College Saved My Life

  

    What most people don't know about me is before coming to college I was seriously headed down the wrong path. I was going through the stage where I was  attracted to "thugs"(or what I thought was a thug)...if you hadn't sold drugs, carried a gun, and just exuded that I'll beat a bitch ass quality *yea I'll said beat a bitch ass quality* I didn't give you the time of day. I even dibbled in a bit thievery and attempted to sale marijuana (I was just to scary though). I don't know if it was being overly protected and never getting to experience things; but this quality totally followed me to my first year of college, and messed with my mind. I surround myself with nothing but guys who smoked, had no potential to go anywhere in there collegiate life, or was even worth the time that I put into them. I started drinking parting way to much, I thought this what college was about; drinking, smoking, and having sex it consumed my days. I wasn't even focused on my studies.

  My first semester in college I got a 1.25 GPA. I didn't know I really had to focus and study, I came from a Performing Arts High School that really didn't focus on on our academics.

     Not only was I unfocused but I fell head over hills for this guy, we'll call him CBX. I did everything for him, even had sex with him without protection (worst decision ever). When the flesh on flesh sex happens at that moment you think its love but it more like lust. It has been two since I decided I was better than that and I am still dealing with the heart ache, and memories of that flesh on flesh contact forever live with me.

     Though I may have loved/lusted CBX I always knew I had worth...and he taught me that more than anything. After being with him almost a year I got that dreadful call from "the other woman", well women I found out that CBX had been with not 1... Not 2....not even 3 but.... 4 other girls. I don't really think I was hurt by the cheating; I was more hurt that I gave him my heart and trust and he flushed it down the toilet.

     And at that point I threw myself into my studies, of course he left college. I’m so happy that he did, but till this day I'm still called "Mrs. Brown" (oops I said his last name) but I really hate that.

     I don’t know how I would have dealt with that heart ache if I didn't have college in my life. I have engaged myself with a good and healthy social life. I have a hand full several good friends who don’t mind my kookiness, my sometimes attitudish ways. But I'm learning what real love is, and where in this crazy society.

Shout out to:
My  love/sister/ confidante/ my damn rock Jazzy Poo
My Best friends who have been there thru my real ups and downs Tiara and Nikita
and my newest crue
the oh so happy to be nappy VJ
and my sun soaked Asya
I love all yall for real